He wants a mistress?

I wrote the following Sunday night and have been thinking ever since that I should get it out there. I know it's kind of a mess I promise I will write more logically next time! ;) Also,  names have been edited the innocent, and not so innocent!

Hmmm...what am I doing? How am I possibly becoming a mistress? I KNEW when he first started talking to me that he liked me. And then looking back, I got a rush of power when he hugged me and said I smelled good, and then I over shared by showing off the tattoo. An old male friend from school said I was so powerful in high school, that I could have any guy I wanted. I didn't see it when he said it, but I do now. When you have someone flatter you and seem to eat up every curve of your body. And then show up at my house, yeah, I use to be able to pull that. When he's talking about how great my body is and how my pussy is so tight and he wants to come in me. His wife is pretty, seems to love him. He wants me to go out of town with him to gigs. Dress provocatively, be sexy. Fuck me shoes, be a groupie. I'll be fucking a guitarist in a band. My body is looking pretty banging right now, not perfect but getting better. Even at the bar last night, I walked by that guy and he said “well, HELLO”, that power. I was tall, curvy, blond, sexy. Ass for days. Tonight he made me cum with his thumb and pressure on my clit. I know my cumming noises are sexy. And he had to taste it. It's nice having a head between my thighs again, someone wants to worship my pussy. And then when he held my hands up above my head...SWOON. Makes my heart race just thinking about it. Is he my type, not really, I see no future and have already stated that as soon as I meet someone else, I'm gone. I'm not going to fall in love, it's going to be a distraction. need to be truthful with him. I don't want him to leave his wife for me, she can have him. I don't want her to know anything about me. And the nonsense with him saying he'll give me a baby? That's some powerful pussy right there. I forgot how good it feels to be worshiped, to have someone want to risk it all to be with me. Maybe it's just his adolescent fantasy came to life. Stroking his dick, trying to get over the guilt of cheating while telling me how my body is amazing. Pussy is right there in front of him and he wants to fuck me so bad. Running his hand over my spread open thighs, all open, all for him. Saying I have all he wants, surprised by the clit piercing, and when I tell him that my nipples are pierced too, wants to see them. Sucking my tits, OH HOW I missed that. When S use to get both nipples in his mouth, greedy, hungry. I could feel it all through my body. And now I have the bars, he can pull with his fingers and mouth. The FWB arrangement with J is nice, big dick that I can ride and use to get off. With D, it's nice to have that POWER. And to be asked to be his mistress. One night of me isn't enough, addicted? B called me his first love, his muse. That is powerful. I think I had power over S. We had that sexual electricity, that spark, that undeniable magnetic attraction. Maybe that is why it's so hard to get over. We still have that psychic bond. I knew his body and he knew mine. He loved the curves, until they got too curvy and things fell apart. But I still had that hold even in the break up, when he's fucking me and I tell him that I just want him to love me and he says he's always loved me. That doesn't end. It's still there, I hope it's eating him alive, consuming him. And he rolls over and looks at her saggy small breasts and no ass. And thinks about my curves, my round ass, tits that he loved to handle. My tight pussy that could MILK his cock. How I can cum multiple times and have cum running down my ass. Enough of him. So if D still wants this, I will be the mistress, but I will also be on the lookout for Mr. Right. Because you know damn well that to attract a man, you just have to be fucking someone else. You look satisfied and confident, your hips roll more when you walk, your chest is held higher and you have that spark in your eye. Men dig that. I'm going to own my sexuality, my power. I'm going to strut when I walk. Like Tracy told me the other night, I am beautiful, and she said she doesn't say that often. And God has a better plan for me. And some one is going to see that and want to find out more. And I will be available and open to it.